It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
