i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
