We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
