is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
