you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
