Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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