Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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