Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
