You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
