What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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