it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
