You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
