please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
