My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
