Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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