i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
