I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
