What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
