I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
