so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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