i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want a musical about memes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
