Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
