It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
