Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
