I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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