just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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