they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
