That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
