zippers are such a cool invention
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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