I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
