Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
