if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
