I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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