'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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