I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
