hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
