Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
