Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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