Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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