I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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