dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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