i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
