he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
