Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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