even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
false alarm. still invincible.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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