I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
