Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
