So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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