i think my tv is drunk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
