...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
