Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
