I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
COCAINE IS GR8
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