if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
