I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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