you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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